STAGES OF SURRENDER

Let me just cut to the chase. I’m a runner. When things get hard, I have a tendency to tuck tail and flee. I’ve spent a lot of life mistakenly interpreting challenging circumstances as evidence that God must not be with me, and that it’s time to move on and try something else.

I have grown to understand that the danger in this type of living is that we never stay still enough to allow God to have His way. The truth that I’m finding is that regardless of how fast or how far I run, God will consistently bring me to the same point of surrender. In that moment, I can either choose to trust Him or continue to avoid the inevitable.

Like the Israelites who wandered for 40 years out of stubbornness and a desire to do things their own way, I can wander or I can wrestle. I’ve finally learned the art of the wrestle and God is showing me that His way was better all along.

Jacob’s Wrestle

One of the best examples of wrestling that we see in scripture comes from Genesis 32. Here we find Jacob at a similar point of decision. He has spent most of his life manipulating and controlling the circumstances, rather than trusting God to work for his ultimate good.

From youth, Jacob bargained with his brother to get his father’s blessing. Years later, upon his father’s death bed, he and his mother came up with a plan to deceive him into praying a blessing over Jacob, even though his elder brother, Esau was in line to receive it. Then, rather than repenting and taking the consequence for his sinful choice, Jacob fled his homeland.

In Genesis 32 we find an older Jacob. He’s spent his last twenty years serving his uncle Laban. As the saying goes, you reap what you sow, and Jacob has lived that reality as his uncle has conned him into working for him in exchange for his daughter’s hand in marriage.

Years have passed and Jacob has been directed by God to leave Laban and head back to his homeland. However, he’s never made amends with Esau and is in great terror of meeting him face to face. Even though God has directed him to go, his emotions are raging and thoughts of dealing with his past are more than he cares to handle.

Once again he starts coming up with a plan to protect himself and his family. Out of a desire to control and cover he splits his people and possessions into two groups, hoping that should Esau get angered and attack, only one group would be affected, whereas the other would survive.

He was quick to take measures, expecting the worst from the brother he crossed years prior, and out of the fear he was experiencing, he was doing everything in his power to protect himself and those he loved. In a final effort to keep his family safe, he sent his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons on ahead of him, while he stayed the night alone.

It was in that sleepless night that a visitor, God, wrestled with him until morning. It was in this epic fight that Jacob was renamed and blessed, while also being left with a limp.

I’ve been stuck in this part of scripture for the last few weeks, drawn to the struggle and the fact that Jacob would not let go until he received a blessing from his divine opponent. I think it’s the fight in Jacob that sits in stark contrast to my normal impulse to cut and run.

He was faced with immense challenge. He was dealing with the mental challenge of possibly losing his family and fortune, the emotional challenge of seeing his brother whom he wronged years prior, and now the physical challenge of being called into a wrestling match with The King of the Universe.

It was quite a lot and most people would throw the white flag, but not Jacob. He embraced the match and I believe there’s a lot we can learn from his efforts.

The Stages of Surrender

1: An Emptying

A wrestling season often starts with an emptying. For Jacob, he was left alone. His possessions and family were sent ahead, leaving him alone at the ford of Jabbok. Jabbok actually means “to empty itself.”

Often the Lord will remove any crutch that we may be leaning on for comfort, identity and security in order to get us to a place where we can see Him face to face.

Over the last seven years of my own life I have seen Him remove aspects of my life that once brought identity and a sense of safety. In His wisdom He has changed my profession, removed friends and even brought some financial instability. All of this being His effort to bring me to a place where it’s just me and Him so that the wrestling can begin.

2: The Wrestle

It was in isolation that God met with Jacob and the wrestling began. In scripture it appears that this wrestle was of a physical nature, but I’ve found that our battles can be marked with doubt, uncertainty, distrust and fear that God is not who He says He is.

In the wrestle I have learned that God is okay with our hard questions. They don’t scare Him. In fact, I believe He embraces them as He knows that the more we wrestle in the present, the more clearly we will see Him in the end.

His Word will not return void and His promises will stand. The wrestle is essential in spiritual growth and the development of our faith. It allows for a deeper understanding of who He is.

3: The Humbling

As Jacob wrestled, God touched his hip, pulling it out of socket. The event was painful in the moment, but also significant as he would walk with a limp for the rest of his life.

The Bible goes on to say that the Jewish nation has refrained from eating the joint of the hip in reverence for what happened to Jacob on that fateful night.

As we wrestle with God He brings us to a place of humility where we see who we are against the greatness of who He is. As we recognize His sovereign grandeur and ultimate authority, we realize that we really don’t have control over anything in life other than our response to life’s challenges.

I have been in this place and, like Jacob, have been marked with an understanding of my position. I may not have a limp in the physical sense for the rest of my life, but I am left with an awe and respect for God that I didn’t have before, and like Jacob, the change will, in fact, affect the way I walk in the spiritual for the rest of my life.

He is in control. I am not.

4: The Choice

There comes a point during the wrestle where we are met with a decision. We can either choose to let go of God and go off on our own way, or we can choose to cling to Him with even more fervor, understanding that we don’t want to move forward without His blessing.

This is the place I have found myself time and time again. I have no problem wrestling with God and asking the hard questions when I come to the end of myself, but shamefully I often forge ahead out of pride and a desire to avoid the present pain at whatever cost.

I am learning there is a better way. Choosing to lean in even harder in these seasons may be more difficult in the moment, but the result will be authentic peace that can only be gifted to us by a faithful God. Taking control and moving on does nothing but put a band aid on a wound that needs the Healer’s attention.

Jacob realized this in his wrestle. He was faced with physical and emotional pain, but it was his discomfort that drove him to cling to His Visitor all the more. He demanded a blessing and vowed not to let go until he had one.

Clinging looks like digging deep into what we are feeling, assessing the broken places and allowing the Lord to do what only He can do. It is realizing that you have a hunger that nothing of this world can satisfy and being diligent not to allow any cheaper version of peace to temporarily satisfy.

It is immersing yourself in the truth of God’s word even if it doesn’t feel like truth in the moment. It is asking for those in your circle to intercede on your behalf and hold you accountable for making a conscious choice to quiet your heart rather than quitting in defeat.

In Jacob’s story, this was a pivotal moment and I believe the same is true for us. Had Jacob chosen to let go and move on, he would have forfeited the blessing.

5: The Blessing

Genesis 32:27–30 describes the blessing that God gave to Jacob. For starters, God changed Jacob’s name from Jacob (meaning deceiver) to Israel (meaning he who prevails with God).

The first portion of Jacob’s blessing came in a complete change in his identity. With this name change, Jacob made amends with his past and began to embrace his future. Only God can take our past mistakes and hurt and redeem it into a beautiful purpose and calling.

This transformation in name went much deeper than the way in which others would refer to Jacob in years to come. It was an indication of God’s hand on his life and a marking of His divine purpose, not only for Jacob, but the generations that would follow.

The second part of the blessing was the fact that Jacob was able to see God face to face. In fact, he named the place Peniel which means “face of God.”

Part of the blessing that comes out of our choosing to stay in the wrestle is that we are able to see more of the truth of who God is. Our level of intimacy with Him deepens as we experience His goodness and sovereign peace.

I have found that in this place of full depletion of our norm, but full reliance of God there is a sweetness of relationship with Him that cannot be found through any other means. It is a surrender that comes from a deep place. It is saying, with complete honesty and trust, “If it’s not You, Lord, I don’t want it.”

Jacob rose the next day forever changed. He would always walk with a limp, a constant reminder of his need to fully rely on God and not his own craftiness to live out his calling.

He would also walk with a new identity as one who wrestled with God and chose not to let go. He prevailed, and I’m encouraged to know that we too can come out transformed in our own wrestle.

If you’re in that place today, frustrated with your current state of affairs, asking hard questions and grappling with doubt, let me encourage you to allow God to meet you.

Embrace the emptying. Wrestle in the hard places. Refuse to give in until you see the face of God. And then walk in the blessing that is transformation.